


promise me you'll stay (no matter what)

by cosmic_gay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, caring iwaizumi, i guess, iwa is so good to tooru, muscle disease, self hatred, sort of, unknown disease, wow these tags are Not good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9498020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_gay/pseuds/cosmic_gay
Summary: No matter how hard it gets, promise me you won't quit.At this point, he knows that things aren’t going to get better. For almost three years, Oikawa has been taking daily medications to help rebuild the muscle tissue, but even that stops working eventually.Hajime refuses to accept this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hey fam its been a time//  
> enjoy, i worked for a good 5 months on this

Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Years have gone by and Oikawa Tooru is slowly falling apart. At this point, he knows that things aren’t going to get better. For almost three years, Oikawa has been taking daily medications to help rebuild the muscle tissue, but even that stops working eventually.

Tooru forces his once muscular legs to walk to volleyball practice every day after school. Every time, his teammates give him the same sympathetic look. Iwaizumi always shoots the same look of disappointment from the other side of the gym. 

Practice is hard for Tooru, but then again he can't remember a day when it wasn’t. The last time he could run for a ball with ease was about a year and a half ago. Still, he pushes himself to his physical limit right before someone sits him down on a fold-out chair. He gasps to try and catch his breath, but it just isn't there. A Styrofoam cup is shoved into his hand and he downs it all in one sip. 

Iwaizumi is suddenly by his side, taking the cup out of his hand before he drops it. When did he get so close? "Hey, Trashykawa, can you hear me? You're zoning out."  
"Hey now, Iwa-chan, you don't have to yell at me. I can hear you just fine." Tooru spouts out a pathetic answer. His voice is weak and his throat is on fire. "Hey, Iwa-chan, could I please have some more water? I don't think I can get up."

Looks of dismay come from everyone around, which is nothing new. Scenes similar to this have played out nearly every day. Tooru apologizes the same every time.  
"I'll be fine, everyone. Don't worry too much about your precious captain and go back to practicing." And they do. The crowd disperses, leaving Hajime standing by Tooru's side.

“Shittykawa, I think you should take it easy for a while. You’re sweating more than usual, and practice seems to be a lot harder for you.” 

Oikawa wiped away the beads of sweat that were pouring from his forehead. “You’re just jealous that I’m playing better than you. I just need a minute to catch my breath and I’ll be fine. You guys can manage without your precious captain for a little while.”

“If you insist. Meet you on the court, I guess.”

Hajime too, would soon walk away, leaving Tooru alone to watch his life pass before him. 

Each day things get even worse. Not only is this affecting his physical heath, Tooru’s mental health has been worsening.  
One night as he was lying in bed, thin legs tangled in the blankets, Tooru prayed. He wasn’t a religious person, but at this point he became desperate.  
“I don’t know if you’re real, and honestly I don’t know if I want to. What I want to know is why would you make this happen to me? I can’t do anything for myself anymore! I’ve become a burden to everyone around me.” 

Tooru didn’t finish the prayer. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he reached towards his bed stand and brushed his fingers across the bottle of prescription pills. With slow and steady movement, Tooru brought the bottle close to his face and read the label multiple times. 

From outside his bedroom, Tooru could hear his mother speaking with someone. He listened as the deep voice got louder and closer until finally it was right outside of his room. The voice stopped and there was a quiet rapping on the door.

Tooru dropped the bottle onto the floor next to his bed and turned his back to the door. “Who is it?”

“Can I come in?” The voice was familiar, but Tooru couldn’t put his finger on it. 

“Yeah…” Tooru closed his eyes as the door behind him opened. The body walked closer to him and sat on the desk chair next to the bed. The smell of thick cologne masking sweat drifted into his nose. Tooru inhaled the scent deeply, letting the familiar scent warm his aching body. “Iwa-chan.”

“You haven’t come to practice in a while.” Tooru turned his head and saw Hajime hanging his head low. “I, uh, we miss you. You were wrong, you know.”  
Now, Tooru turned his whole body towards Hajime. “Wrong about what?” 

“The last day you were at practice, you said that we could manage fine without you. You were wrong. Everyone’s been so worried about you that our playing hasn’t been its best.” 

Tooru had known that he was burdening everyone, and to hear it from Hajime broke his heart. Even still, he had to keep up his façade for his teammate’s sake. “Hey now, don’t talk like that. What’s a team if it can’t function for a few days without another member? I’ve just been sick, but I’ll be back soon.”  
“You’ve been sick, huh. How long? How long have you been suffering?” Hajime leaned over and picked up the orange bottle. “Prednisone. Exactly what’s wrong, Tooru?” 

Not very often does Hajime use his given name, so hearing it used with such a stress-filled voice only added to the heartbreak that Tooru felt. He had been lying to his best friend for so long, it was finally time to come clean. 

“The symptoms first started being prevalent around the time when I was 15. At the beginning, it was just leg and arm pains and fatigue. It was all bearable, so I didn’t think much of it. After a few months, the pains increased and the muscle tissue in my legs started to deteriorate. Next it was my arms, and now, all of my muscle tissue is dying at an alarming rate.

“I’ve been on Prednisone, and a few other meds, but lately none of them have been working. No matter what I do, what medications I take, nothing helps anymore. At this rate, I’ll-“

“Oikawa.” Although he knew how Tooru was going to end the sentence, Hajime didn’t want to hear it.

“It’s the truth, Iwa-chan.” Silence filled the room once again, and Tooru could hear the creak of the chair Hajime was sitting on. “I give up. There’s nothing more that can be done; I’m a lost cause.” 

“What do you mean you give up?” Hajime leaned forward on his chair in anticipation. 

“You heard me. I give up, I’m not going to take my meds anymore. It’s not like they’re any help at this point.” 

“I see how it is. The all mighty Tooru, captain of Aoba Johsai’s volleyball team and one of the best setters in all of Japan, is giving up? You’ve worked so hard to get where you are now! You need to keep taking your medications and keep going!” Hajime stood up, knocking the chair over as he did. “We need you, Oikawa. I need you. You’re my best friend; we grew up together. Whenever I would do something stupid as a kid, you would give me band aids. We watched stupid alien movies together, we played volleyball together. I don’t want that to end, and I know you don’t either.”

At this point, Oikawa couldn’t hold his tears back anymore. He pushed himself into an upright position facing Hajime, whose face fell at the sight of his best friend in tears. Hajime should have been used to this picture; Tooru used to cry all the time as a child. There was something different, however, about this night. The dark atmosphere, the blanket over top of Tooru’s legs that slightly exposed the thin, sickly pale looking calves, the realization of what Tooru had said. Everything came crashing down on Hajime as Tooru spoke. 

“You don’t understand, Iwa-chan! You’ll never understand the pain I feel, not only in my body but in my head. I wake up every morning wondering how much longer I’m going to suffer for. Most days, I question whether it’s even worth getting out of bed. I hate myself for being like this, Iwa-chan, and I don’t need you to make me feel even worse by bringing up the past. With this, I can finally let those feelings of self-hatred die.”

Hajime could only stare at Tooru. He wanted desperately to reach out and shake some sense into his best friend, but he was terrified that with one touch, Tooru would shatter. Iwaizumi knew he was hurt, anyone with eyes knew that. He didn’t know, however, that Tooru’s mental health was taking a toll.  
“Oikawa, I’m sorry, I-“ Hajime wanted to apologize; he knew it was the right thing to do even though he didn’t have one ounce of regret for what he said. Tooru meant everything to Hajime, and he would say or do anything to save his most precious friend. Cautiously, he moved closer to the bed and pointed to the open area next to Tooru. “May I sit?”

Tooru looked shocked, but didn’t refuse. Instead, he moved closer to the wall and patted the spot he once sat. “What do you want? You won’t change my mind.”  
“Yeah, yeah.” Iwaizumi pulled the blanket over his knees, sitting similar to how Tooru now sat. “I remember when we would have sleepovers as kids, you would make me watch stupid alien movies and when you got too scared you would make me sleep with you.” 

“I told you, Iwa-chan, I don’t want to talk about the past.” 

“Just shut up, OK? I already know I can’t change your mind, so just let me reminisce with you while I have the chance.” Hajime wanted more than anything to change Tooru’s mind, and although he knew it would work, he refused to quit. “I would tell you that you were being stupid and to quit crying, but I would still lay in bed next to you until you fell asleep. Even now, nearly ten years later, you’re still the same.” 

Tooru finally turned his head back to Hajime. ”What do you mean I’m the same?”

“A crybaby.”

“Iwa-chan, rude!” Tooru punched Hajime’s shoulder with mock force. Behind the swollen eyes and drippy nose, Hajime could see a shimmer of the old Tooru. “I have so grown up!” 

Hajime chuckled under his breath. “No you haven’t. You’re still the same little crybaby.” With a disappointed look, Tooru let his head hang. “I’m not done talking yet, so don’t zone out. You haven’t grown up, but I haven’t either.” 

Tooru lifted his head slightly and glanced at Hajime. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that no matter how annoying you are, or how much you cry, I’m still going to hold you until you feel better.” With that, Hajime pulled Tooru in as close as physically possible and began to rub small circled into Tooru’s shoulder. 

“Iwa-chan…” Tooru curled up into a tight ball and leaned into Hajime’s touch. “I’m scared.”

“I know, Tooru, I know.” Hearing Hajime use his given name was weird yet oddly comforting for Tooru. It made him feel warm and safe, like he had a layer of protection around him. For the first time in a long while, Tooru felt like things were going to be fine. “I know I’m being selfish but please keep taking your medication. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for me. I need you here with me, Tooru. There’s no way I can live life without you.” Finally, after eighteen years, Hajime let his true feelings fall from his lips. “You annoy the shit out of me, you make my blood boil, but every day I look forward to seeing your stupid brown eyes and stupid smirk. I can’t get enough of the way you push yourself to the limit for the sake of the people around you. You’re one of the most selfless people I know, and it pisses me off that you don’t even try to be like that. You’re just naturally an amazing person.” 

Tooru could only stare. Tears welled his eyes once more, but this time they were tears of relief and joy. “Iwa-chan, you confessed now it’s my turn. Whenever you’re near me, I feel this warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach. You make me feel invincible, like despite what’s going on I can still keep going. Even before you found out, just the thought of not being able to see you is what kept me from quitting life.” Tooru couldn’t finish his thought before Hajime’s lips were pressed against his. They were chapped and his breath smelled awful, but Tooru couldn’t imagine it any differently. Everything about the kiss, from the awkward yet appealing way that Hajime’s lips moved against Tooru’s, the way that they both smiled and giggled into the kiss, the way they lightly swayed back and forth, everything felt right, like it was meant to happen. 

Tooru pulled back first. He didn’t want to; if he could he would kiss Hajime for the rest of his life. Still, they had to breathe eventually. “Iwa-chan, thank you. Thank you for coming over, for being by my side when nobody else was, for helping me realize that it isn’t quitting time. Sure, I might not be able to play volleyball the same way I used to, but that doesn’t mean I should just quit. I want to keep going, not only for you but for everyone else around me. I want to keep going until I can’t any longer.”

Hajime pulled Tooru’s head into his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller boy and squeezed lightly for reassurance. “I’ll be right here the whole time.” 

And he did. Tooru kept living until he turned 28. Hajime was right behind him as he took his final step, as he said his final words, and as he took his final breath. Although he was torn apart by grief, Hajime couldn’t say he was dissatisfied. The doctor had previously said that Tooru would only live to be 25 before his body would shut down, so Hajime and Tooru married early. They were in love, anyone with eyes could tell. As soon as they graduated high school, Hajime let Tooru plan the wedding of his dreams. It was a small ceremony, only family and the boys from the volleyball team, but in Hajime’s eyes it was perfection. By the age of 22, Tooru could no longer walk. He was bound to a wheelchair from then on. The doctors had said it was a miracle that he managed to live for 22 years, let alone walk around like Tooru did. 

Hajime never did find out what disease it was. No matter how hard he searched, how many doctors he asked, nobody could give him a name for it. Even after Tooru’s passing, Hajime continued to search and study until he could find a name. Eventually, he enrolled into a college to study medicine and medicinal research in hopes of finding out what took his first and only love away. 

 

Epilouge, 10 years later//

 

Hajime sat at his desk, frantically typing at his keyboard. The lab he worked in had closed hours ago, but he was close to finding another missing link in his current study. He was currently trying to develop a medicine strong enough to combat the muscular disease that he had titled, “Tooru’s Syndrome.”  
“Iwaizumi, you’re still here? This is the third time this week that you’ve stayed overtime.” A night shift maintenance worker had been loitering in the hallway outside of the research lab. “I can’t leave until all workers are out, you know that?”

“Yes, and I’m sorry for keeping you so late. The thing is, I’m so close. I know that soon, I’ll be able to beat this damn disease.” Hajime, despite wanting to stay and continue his research, shut down his computer and gathered his things. Together, he and the elderly maintenance man walked towards the exit together. 

“I’ve noticed that ever since you stared here, that syndrome is practically the only thing you’ve studied. What’s you’re deal with it, if you don’t mind me asking?”  
“Somone who I held closer to me than anyone passed away from it. At the time, we had no idea what it was, so after his passing, I promised myself that I wouldn’t stop until I found a cure.” Hajime looked down at his wedding band. Even after Tooru passed on, Hajime refused to take it off.  
“Don’t you think you outta quit? You’ve been searching for nearly 10 years.” 

Hajime held the front door for the man. “No, nor do I ever plan on quitting. This man I knew, he never quit. No matter how bad he got, he continued on until he couldn’t anymore. He taught me so much, despite only living for a short time. If I were to quit, I would feel that all of his effort was pointless.”

The old man chuckled and patted Hajime on the back. “This man was lucky to have known a person like you.” 

“No,” Hajime said. “I was lucky to have known him.”

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me over @ lias-rambling on tumblr


End file.
